#PITCHSLAM

Hey guys! If you’ve been following me on Twitter lately, you’re probably wondering what the hell I’ve been tweeting about. Well wonder no more! I’ve been tweeting about #PitchSlam, an awesome opportunity for writers to get their work on there.

So to all passing by today, please give my pitch and first 250 words of my manuscript a quick look-see. I’m really stressing about having these perfect before tomorrow, so I appreciate any piece of feedback you can give me!

Pitch: 

Princess Haven’s immortality has always been her strength, but when her mother dies in her arms, she is left alone to rule and defend a nation against an evil Queen bent on possessing Haven’s power.

250:

“You will be perfect. You will be great. You will be a just Queen.” Haven paced the length of her chambers, trying to calm her rattled nerves. “You will lead them fairly. You will save them. By the grace of the gods, you will.” 

A knock at the door startled her. She stopped abruptly, catching her own haunted gaze in her vanity mirror. 
 
“Princess?”   

“Yes?”  

“The coronation begins shortly, My Lady.”

Haven never thought she’d live long enough to take the throne. In a family of two older brothers, and a healthy father, it would never be expected that the eldest daughter would ascend. She was a princess, and if her family hadn’t been slaughtered at war, she wouldn’t be on the cusp of leading a nation. But it was her misfortune to be blessed with longevity.  Haven had outlived much of her family, and as the idea of becoming Queen grew near, that blessing had only become a curse.   

She had thought of perhaps ending her life just to spare her people her inadequacy. She could try hanging herself, but the moment she was released from the noose, even if her neck broke, air would return to her lungs, and her neck would mend itself. She could slit her wrists, or even her throat, but the wounds would heal in minutes, the scars in hours. There were many ways she had contemplated, until Haven realized something. The only thing worse than living forever, would be to leave her people without a Queen, especially in times like these.
___
So leave me a comment letting me know your thoughts! If you’re participating in Pitch Slam too and want me to give yours a look, feel free to leave yours in the comments or link me!
A big thank you hug to everyone in advance!
Stay classy internet!

4 thoughts on “#PITCHSLAM

  1. I’m not great with pitches, but yours works for me. You have character, situation and stakes in there.

    I love the opening, but I think the paragraph where she’s thinking about her dead family gets a bit too telling. The following paragraph where you mention her immortality is great though. You show that she’s immortal rather than stating it outright.

    Like

    1. Oh man I’m so glad you think so! I was so worried that there was too much “telling” about the immortality and not enough showing. Even though a LOT of showing happens later.
      I was struggling a bit with adding the deaths of the family because I wasn’t sure if it was obvious without that sentence in there. I’ll have to rework that.

      Thank you again 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Love your pitch! I agree with what was said above about the telling part. I would just add that I want to know who she’s speaking to at the start. Even if it’s just adding “a servant said.” or something.
    Your opening lines were very strong. Her self-pep talk and pacing grabbed me.

    Like

    1. Oh good! So glad you think so Rachel! I actually took out the “servant said” bit at the recommendation of someone else xD haha This is what happens with multiple opinions though! I’ll figure out a way to work it in. 🙂 Thank you for your help!

      Like

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